So today I wanted to talk about school life. Some say there school days “where the best days of their lives” but that was back when all the mental illnesses were a taboo subject, no one ever talked about it because they were certain it didn’t exist and people were just trying to seek attention from others. To this very day, it is still is a taboo subject but people still talk about it because it does affect peoples day to day lives, their school work, their work, everything.
I’ve now left school, not because I wanted to, but because I had too! I didn’t have a choice but to leave as I could not stay in a place that was making me so depressed that I just gave up on life all together. Nothing was going right; everything seemed to be taking a turn for the worst. But what the school didn’t realize was there was so much they could do to help me, they just couldn’t be bothered to try anything as my “grades” and “attendance” were far more important than anything else that maybe going on in my life, or in my head. I am the first to admit that a few years ago; I did put everything aside so I could do well and not let anything that was going on in my head hold me back from achieving my goals and ambitions. As soon as I hit sixth form, that was it, I was diagnosed with depression and got told that I should put myself first and my education second, because if I didn’t than it would affect me in the long run. Honestly, it is affecting me more now, my attendance dropped massively when I started sixth form, going from 100% through all my secondary school life, to about 70% because I just didn’t want to attend. I would force myself to attend. Making myself worse, making myself break from all the pressure I was being put under.
When I was in year 11, I was having the worst downfall I had ever experienced in my life, I still attended school every day though. I was losing friends left, right and centre because I was “lying” about various things, I look back at it now and laugh, because they were just a bunch of twats who are so fucking small minded too see reality. I was having mental breakdowns on a regular basis but that didn’t worry me, I would still go in the next day and act like nothing had happened the night before. That was probably the worst thing I could have done, going into school the day after a break down, where I would say “School is making me worse” but I was thinking more about how I needed those grades in order to get on with my life.
One of the most fucking awful experiences I have ever had at school was having to talk to teachers that I did not have any trust in at all; I would just sit there in silence and not say anything. What else was I supposed to do, sit there and tell them everything? You must be fucking joking. When I did that, it proved to me why you should just not tell anyone anything; they just turned around to me and said “Get over it.” I’m not being funny but NO ONE is going to get over DEPRESSION overnight, it just isn’t possible, no matter how hard you try.
Schools are filled with liars, hurtful people and people with their heads stuck up there asses. In my school life, I found it was the teachers that had no authority at all cared more than the ones that were meant to be concerned. The ones that were meant to be “concerned” brushed it under the carpet and told everyone that they would do something about it. WHAT A LOAD OF BOLLOCKS!
Leaving school was the greatest decision I have ever made, I wish I had made it sooner rather than now. But I didn’t know school would cause me to be a fatal disease.
Till next time, Amber.