This week I wanted to talk about Overcoming and when I mean “overcoming” I mean certain aspects of life, like stress, addiction or something that we simply can not change no matter how hard we try and change how things are. Overcoming certain things is apart of life, it’s fucking shitty but it has to be done. Overcoming is just a nicer way of Getting Over things, but sometimes you won’t be able to Get Over certain things, as they have affected you too much, you will just get used to the pain. Just like I did. I haven’t overcome the death of my brother, I guess I’ve just gotten used to it, without any counselling or help from various places, I did it myself because I had to! I had to get over it, it just isn’t possible though, so I’ve just gotten used to the pain I feel towards him.
I guess getting used to things is apart of life, no matter how hard it is, you’ll soon realize that it doesn’t hurt anymore. It could still hurt, but might just hurt less, much less than before.
But overcoming just isn’t about getting over hurt or pain, but things like fears, a loss or anything else that you can think of. Overcoming fears is one of the greatest achievements that anyone can physically do, it means you’ve conquered what scares you the most, which many of us can’t get to grips with. There are quite a few fears I have yet to break free from. I say break free like it’s got me tied together so that I can’t loosen the straps. Admittedly that is what it is like when you are scared of something, it’s like being trapped with no escape route. Saying no escape route is a bit of an exaggeration because there is away out, it’s just a matter of finding how to get out of the “maze” you are in.
I wish I could overcome the fears I have. The worst fear I have is abandonment and ending up alone for the rest of my life. All the ones that have promised not to leave me have left within a matter of months or years, which makes people leaving me a crisis in my life. I know it’s fucking pathetic, but I can’t help but feel that way. I can’t help the fear of being abandoned, that’s all that has happened majority of my life, those who have said “I will stay with you till the end” have all left. They aren’t here now, when I need them the most! When I need that one person the most they have left due to certain reasons, some unknown which makes me wonder what I did wrong. Wasn’t I good enough? Was it my depression? My suicidal thoughts? My Clingyness? Fuck knows what it is, but that is what frustrates me the most, the fact I will never know why they left all of a sudden.
I guess some fears and bigger than others, same with over coming certain obstacles. They take time, effort and patience. It’s all a matter of waiting till the right time.
Till Next Time, Amber.