This weeks title may seem about risky and a little bit weird but honestly it all ties in.
I wanted to talk about triggers. Not triggers on a gun but something that triggers you to act a certain way or to do a specific thing. It can be the smallest thing that causes these or may be meaningless to someone else, but to you, as a person, they can destroy you. It doesn’t even have to be a person for instance, it could be a memory or a song and so on.
It’s difficult to over come these “triggers” and they can be gotten rid of easily depending on what or who it is. It’s just a matter of having the strength to do this, which I know many struggle with and unfortunately I am one of them. If someone causes me harm, i’ll convince myself that it’s just a one time thing, honestly I have never been so wrong in my life. Funny that, I always seem to be wrong about a number of things, some beyond my control.
I hate it when other’s don’t understand that the slightest thing can trigger someone. Being in the same lesson as my dick of an Ex Boyfriend was one of them, he had caused me so much hurt that I just didn’t want to see him. Yet no one understood that? No one could see the pain he caused, although if you witnessed my arms or look deep into my eyes, it was so clear. As a year had passed, it turned into school being the biggest trigger I had yet to face. I convinced myself that I was up for failure, I just couldn’t cope with the amount of pressure I was understand from my peers as well as the teachers.
But doesn’t that say something? The fact, no matter what, I would still attend although it was causing me massive amounts of pain? Just so that I didn’t get any more grief than I was already getting off everyone? Putting the school above my health? I tell everyone to put that first, there health, but I fail to do this. I failed because everyone was convinced I was just making it all up and that I wasn’t being triggered at all, they just saw it as “Amber couldn’t be bothered to come in.” And to those fucking bitches, I say SCREW YOU! “I was fucking right, you were my triggers.” Maybe if they weren’t there, then maybe I would have bothered to turn up and had stayed but FUCK NO. I was so done with that shit! I was so done with fake friends! What I did was BEST FOR MYSELF, not for them bitches.
Sorry for that rant, but it just really gets to me when people don’t believe that school can be a trigger for some. It honestly can affect someone so much in there day to day lives that they feel like they need to smoke or harm themselves just to deal with it. I don’t think it’s so much to do with the teachers, I say its more the peers. People can be dicks now a days and I have met quite a few in my life time, I’m sure you have too but “that shouldn’t prevent people from going to school right?” WRONG! If people are being utter twats then I say good for you for not dealing with there bullshit and staying away. If the school does nothing about it, then that is the school’s fault, not yours!
Triggers are a concept that you either understand or you don’t. And if you don’t then I guess you’ll never understand what some are on about.
Till Next Time….Amber.