The Beginning, Middle Or End?

I know it’s been a while since I last posted a blog, but honestly I was stumped on what to write. I had no inspiration, no motivation to find something to write about as every thing I wrote down just seemed like a load of rubbish and wasn’t worth a read. But then it occurred to me that I had something to write about, New Beginnings. The reason for this sudden post is that I am about to start a new chapter in my life, somewhere new, somewhere fresh and where no one knows me or knows anything about me.
Which I think some people need to do in their lives, of course not forgetting those who have been there for them, but forgetting those who weren’t or just make your life that bit more on the negative side of things.It is perfectly healthy to get rid of people in your life, I say “get rid” in a nice way, not a mean bitchy way like “Get the fuck out of my life”, but that is part of growing up. You make friends, you lose friends, it all comes with adult life. You find out some people aren’t who you thought they were and they turn out to be users!

Anyway, this new beginning is starting College, after being signed off for the past 5 months at my old Sixth Form. (I really wasn’t in the right mentality to study 4 A Levels with no help or support for my issues and the “Help” department was shocking. They did fuck all.) But on the brighter side of things, College has a better understanding of Mental Health and so on and treat you like young adults…not like little children.

I am feelings a mixture of emotions, excited about a new start but terrified as I will know absolutely no one. You win some, you lose some. It’s apart of this shitty life.

I have no idea how I am going to cope with college though. I know what I want to do with my life but it’s unrealistic. I barely coped with GCSE’s, how the fuck am I meant to cope with 4 A Levels?!?! I have a goal in mind, but I know I will never achieve it in a million years because I am as dumb as a fucking rock…I am not intelligent, far from it actually. I think I’m just kidding myself with this whole college thing though, although I do believe in New Beginnings. But who knows what the future holds for any of us, I may get into university and study History but I may not and that is okay because I’m sure there will be something better coming my way if it all goes to shit.

I guess what I’m trying to say is, don’t be scared to “take the leap” and have a new beginning, a new start. It maybe big and scary to start with, (honestly I am fucking petrified,) but I guess the universe feels like its a challenge we can achieve in. And don’t forget that mistakes are okay to make, you learn from them and it’s apart of becoming a better person.

Till Next Time, Amber.

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